A vivid memoir of chasing wonder beneath the big top and finding redemption beyond it…
Knoderer’s engaging memoir resurrects the rough-and-tumble world of the 1970s American circus while charting one young man’s search for identity, belonging, and purpose. Growing up in a strained Midwestern household, overshadowed by family tensions and a demanding father, the author finds escape in music, art, and an irresistible fascination with the circus. As a teenager, he leaves conventional life behind to join a traveling show, entering a world where, as he discovers, people no longer live by clocks but by “when things were ready.”
What follows is an immersive journey through circus lots, small-town fairgrounds, and endless highways. Knoderer is a gifted storyteller. He balances colorful behind-the-scenes details with introspective reflections. Readers witness his rise from drummer and roustabout to horse trainer and performer, fueled by determination and an insatiable desire to belong. The circus itself emerges as both sanctuary and trial ground. “I found my place in the universe,” he writes, yet the memoir never romanticizes the lifestyle. Success breeds ego, excess, and ultimately self-destruction as alcohol, poor choices, and disappointment threaten everything he has built. Collapse eventually gives way to reinvention. Encounters with horsemen, spiritual mentors, and fellow travelers gradually lead the author toward humility and self-understanding. Particularly memorable is his realization that fulfillment lies not in applause but in service, craftsmanship, and authentic connection. By the memoir’s end, the circus has become more than a setting—it is a metaphor for life itself: exhilarating, unpredictable, and always demanding resilience.
An evocative coming-of-age memoir that preserves a vanished American subculture while delivering a heartfelt story of ambition, loss, and hard-won wisdom.
***
Pub date October 26, 2024
ISBN 979-8349585203
Print length 492 pages
Price $28.00 (USD) Paperback, $6.99 Kindle edition
